TKC!Dear friends, in Christ, After over 25 years of youth ministry in the DC and NYC areas, and 21 years of priestly ministry with spiritual directions and so many family dinners and conversations about this topic, I thought I would share a few reflections for parents on raising children.
1. Your kids are a gift from God. He created their souls, he has entrusted them to you and you need to pray for his wisdom and strength to manage this mission successfully.
2. A father’s influence on a daughter’s self-esteem is critical for her development…his love, affection and personal interest are crucial for her formation and in formulating her criteria for finding a future husband. The mother’s generous and sacrificial heart is critical for the character formation of all the kids. At the same time, the dads and moms needs to prepare their sons and daughters respectively for the challenges ahead.
3. Tough love from a united front. Clear guidelines with clear consequences.
4. Discipline: housework for everyone. Summer jobs from a young age. Personal bank accounts to fund “personal wants” vs. basic needs which are covered by the parents.
5. Constant communication between the husband and wife regarding the kid’s formation: listening to each other’s unique perspective, and agreeing to a general formation plan for each child.
6. Encourage team sports or other hobbies that force interaction with other kids, building people skills and grit with their peers. But all this “within reason”…at times travel teams can be all consuming and destructive for family life, and kids are overcommitted from a very tender age. This can create high stress levels in the family unit.
7. Limit social media and video game time. Phone basket at night, no computer or technology in the bedrooms, unlimited access for parents to all social media platforms. No phones at meals (strive for family dinners a few times a week), quality conversation time in the car rides. Watch a movie with values, that could be used as a family discussion topic.
8. Family outreach and mission trips, teaching the kids this value early on.
9. Unconditional love. Focus on having the kids do their best with the goal of them attending the “right” college and not necessarily the “best” college.
10. Most importantly, work hard to have a Christ-centered and beautiful marriage; the kids needs to see the parents loving each other and showing respect towards each other, as the kids will mimic that behavior. Let your kids see your faith lived out in your daily prayers, regular Mass and Confession, praying the rosary and bringing up faith in meal and car conversations. If it is real for you, it will be real for them.
God bless, Fr. Michael Sliney, LC
