Sliney Central

As the new school year begins, kids and parents have so much going on, so it can be even more of a challenge to get together for a family meal. One highlight of my nearly 20 years of priesthood has been to accompany over 500 different families for this shared experience, but I can tell you, it is becoming harder and harder to find a night that works, especially in today’s busy culture!

I asked one of those moms from Greenwich, Ct., who is married with 2 pre-teen and 2 teenage kids to describe her struggle:

“We have six schedules to coordinate and with work, travel, school events, homework, kids’ practices and activities, it is extremely difficult for us to maintain a consistent family dinner routine. When our kids were younger it was easier as most of their activities were over by 6:00 PM but now many of them are just beginning at that time or later, so it seems like someone is always missing. We try to make dinner happen as often as possible but breakfast, although often a bit rushed, is sometimes the best we can do. I’m appreciative of whatever time we can be together to connect over a meal because I love the opportunity for us to share and support each other and the kids always learn a lot (and on a good day laugh a lot) from hearing each others experiences. Shared mealtimes enhance our bond as a family.”

On a personal note, I had the blessing of having a family meal about 90% of the time, growing up in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan with my 2 older brothers and older sister. Our sport practices ended at a reasonable hour, none of us played on travel teams, and life was a lot simpler. No radio, no television, no cell phones…and there was no hiding! If anything was going in our hearts and minds, it was clearly exposed to our parents, and they could easily take our daily pulse for both the good and bad elements. My mom and dad would bring up interesting topics to discuss, and we would get feedback on our personal struggles or decisions. If the discussion ever got a little heated, my sister and mom were really good to lower the temperature with a joke or a funny face…and without a doubt it brought all of us really close together, and kept us informed about each other’s lives.

Anne Fishel, a professor at Harvard Medical School, wrote this piece for the Washington Post on January 12, 2015: “20 years of research in North America, Europe and Australia back up my enthusiasm for family dinners. It turns out that sitting down for a nightly meal is great for the brain, the body and the spirit. Adolescents who ate family meals five to seven times a week were twice as likely to get A’s in school as those who ate dinner with their families fewer than two times a week…young adults who ate regular family meals as teens are less likely to be obese and more likely to eat healthily once they live on their own.” It can also be a enriching spiritual experience, as I know families that will discuss the life of a Saint over dinner, or talk about meaning of life issues or answer deeper questions that their kids may have on God or the Catholic Faith.

I currently live in Rye, New York with 9 other really busy priests. We all agreed a few years ago that we need to commit to some shared meal time, to help us live religious life authentically and to give an example to the busy families whom we serve. Breakfast made the most sense, so thanks to one of our generous priests, Fr. Steven Reilly, we are able to enjoy a hearty bowl of Quaker Oatmeal, hard boiled eggs and a tub of yogurt each morning at 8 am. The conversations are funny, lively and edifying, and our community has come together in a deeper way since the institution of this healthy practice. Like many of you, we are all extremely busy, going to NYC, parishes and other ministries up to two hours away…but we try to protect this time, and it has really been paying off!

Please, have this discussion with your entire family to see what you can make work…in the words of St. John Paul II, “The future of the world and the Church passes through the family”, and family meals with prayer is an essential component to building this “dream team” for God!