Michael Sliney

Got Grace?

By Fr. Michael Sliney, LC

     “Got milk?” was a very successful television ad many years ago, showing satisfied, happy faces after drinking milk and flooding the screen with all of the nutritional advantages as well. The Catholic Church should consider doing an ad, “Got Grace?” Our worn down souls have a huge need for God’s grace and Lent is a great time to develop a healthy dependency on it.

     Nearly two years ago, I ran in the Hartford Marathon with two of my brother priests. Besides the practical advantage of getting back into shape and checking it off my bucket list, I thought it would help me better understand what it means to persevere in an endeavor that requires serious commitment and determination.  Several avid runners told me that I needed to buy a large supply of GU energy gels for my training and more importantly for the race itself. I resisted their urging until my body completely shut down near the end of a 16 mile training session…I think the 90 degree heat may have contributed to this breakdown! On the day of the race, I had five Gu packets stuffed in my pockets and systematically brought them out after the 4,8,12,16 and 20 mile markers…and I was extremely grateful for a gentleman on a bicycle who was handing out additional packets from mile 20-26.2…I had another 2 more!

     Persevering in Lent is similar to persevering in a marathon. Ash Wednesday is like the beginning of the race…lots of enthusiasm, focus, excitement and great hopes are at the starting line. Everyone has their resolution in mind, but as Lent drags on, some start to get tired, pull spiritual muscles or simply want out…perhaps the spiritual “GU” is missing fromtheir daily regiment? It also helped me, especially on mile 23, to remember that there was a finish line, that the fans were waiting and their would be a moment to celebrate with my brother priests. Easter is just around the corner…stay strong!

     Visit Jesus in the Eucharist! Don’t worry about what you are going to say, don’t worry if you hear anything or feel anything, don’t worry about all the other things you could be doing during this time. Make space to allow Jesus to love you! Go to Confession! Like a boxer going into the corner when the bell rings, we all need to leave the ring and get patched up by our trainer, the Holy Spirit. As the GU gel replenishes the body, Jesus will nourish your tired soul and give you the spiritual protein needed to continue on your transformational journey to holiness. Please, “waste time” with Jesus- you will never leave disappointed!

Thy Kingdom Come!

Dear Friends, in Christ,

     “God does not give Himself to a chattering soul which, like a drone in a beehive, buzzes around but gathers no honey. A talkative soul is empty inside. It lacks both the essential virtues and intimacy with God. A deeper interior life, one of gentle peace and of that silence where the Lord dwells, is quite out of the question. A soul that has never tasted the sweetness of inner silence is a restless spirit which disturbs the silence of others.” St. Faustina Kowalska

     We are all surrounded by constant noise on the radio, TV, Itunes, Iphones, conversations and events, and we can often engage in endless chatter….we need to get away and find a quiet place to pray.  Let your soul breathe the fresh air of God’s grace, and simply slow down.  God whispers…he will never shout.

Thy Kingdom Come!

Dear Friends in Christ,

“The recollection of an injury is . . . a rusty arrow and poison for the soul.” St. Francis of Paola

     Mistakes are often made in married life and even though behavior may change as a result and a lesson was truly learned, the guilty spouse may not fully appreciate how much damage was done or may not feel the necessary contrition.  Be noble, be magnanimous, take the high road and let it go…for Christ!!

Thy Kingdom Come!

Dear Friends in Christ,

“Doing little things with a strong desire to please God makes them really great.”  – St. Francis De Sales.

    It was a little thing, but it meant a lot to me and my 2 brothers.  Whenever a major winter storm hit in Michigan, my brothers and I would gather up our shovels and spend the day shoveling our own long driveway and then our neighbors for a few dollars.  It was cold, the snow was heavy, and at the end of the day our backs were aching and arms were sore.   As we walked in the door, my mom greeted us with a warm smile and a huge mug of hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows floating at the top.  The pain seemed to melt away.  Thanks mom!!

7 Tips for a Strong Marriage,

1. God needs to be at the center: The focus should be centered on loving God above all things and growing in this love as a couple.  My mom recently said to me, “Michael, if you love God how can anything be hard?”  If the Lord is accompanying and blessing your marriage, it will bear fruit.  I also recommend praying for each other, especially when you know your spouse is going through some hard times.

2. Marital intimacy
– This is way that most men connect and communicate with women…they need this validation.  It should not be used as a weapon to punish your spouse (unless there is a really serious reason) or as a means of manipulation to obtain what you desire.  It does not always have to be romantic and a big production, but it is a critical component for a healthy relationship.
– Men need to understand that for most women, this is an act of charity towards their husbands and they generally find more validation in emotional and conversational connection and affirmation.  It is easier for a wife to meet his physical intimacy needs, if her emotional needs are also being met.

3. Date night/time together: It may be expensive to go out to a nice restaurant, a hassle to get dressed up, and difficult to have quality conversations, but in the long run this will be cheaper and less time consuming then paying for counseling or even divorce settlements!  This shows that your marriage is a priority and gives the husband and the wife the necessary quality time to bond.  It is so important to do fun and meaningful things together (Playing golf or tennis, cooking or gardening, going to the opera or museums, etc…). Guys also need time with the guys and gals need time with the gals!

4. Empathetic communication: Husbands need to learn to listen with sincere love, focused attention (cell phones aside) and warm empathy to their wives “as long as necessary.” Wives should respect their husband’s need for cave time, and try to avoid nagging and prodding when he is obviously not in a good mood.  The words that you say and the tone with which you say those words matter!!

5. Love them in the way that they need to be loved, not in the way that you prefer to love.  I recommend “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman as a great resource to discover your spouses love language (Words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch).

6. Unity in parenting- to have each other’s backs and to avoid making one spouse the perennial “bad cop.”  Kids needs to see that you are governing from a united front!

7. Respect and recognition- to value the effort and love that each spouse makes in both parenting and providing for the family.  Don’t focus on the negative or what is missing, but affirm the positive and express it often.  You can never say these words enough: “I love you” and “I am so grateful for who you are and what you do”!!

*Finally, so many happily married couples have recommended “holy amnesia” as a key component to marriage, so I composed this simple poem to drive this point home.

Holy amnesia is the key

For matrimony to succeed.

For all the snores, complaints and moans,

Excessive focus on the phone,

Harsh words coupled with hurtful tones,

Spending? Far too many bank loans!

Tooth paste tubes curled the wrong way,

Not listening to what “I say”,

Preparing the coffee “your way”,

Trifles, troubles, trials each day.

Focus on the positive! Please!

The virtues are what you should see!

Holy amnesia? Certainly!!

But, LOVE unconditionally!

God bless,

Fr. Michael Sliney, LC

Thy Kingdom Come!

Dear Friends in Christ,

     “Children should never be taken to church in dress that would not be thought good enough for appearing before company. ” (St. John Baptiste de la Salle)

    As kids, we all knew that we were expected to wear our “Sunday best” for Mass.  Jesus Christ, God himself, is present in the tabernacle and during Holy Communion he comes directly into our hearts.  He deserves this minimal sign of respect.!